Because of violence of the abuse, many of us do not, or may not even want to, understand what are the motivations behind people who abuse. Why or how does an abuse choose to abuse others? Another question that arises concerns is how those people who were abused themselves, choose to abuse others? Or why the abused choose to stay in relationship that is abusive?
The answers are not easy and even after you try to understand the irrationality behind the abuse, you may never arrive at a complete understanding. To truly understand, one must have actually experienced abuse and the corresponding emotions for it to make any sense. But we can try to understand to the best of our ability.
The question as to why people abuse others has myriad answers. For some it is a learned behavior. They learned it by watching their parents. They may have also been abused as children. Because of these past experiences, these people assume that abuse is a normal way of life. They may internalize the dynamics of a relationship. They remember to abuse of their childhood. And rather than choosing not to abuse, they choose to be an abuser. This is probably because of the choice between being a victim who is not in control and the controlling abuser. By choosing the role of the abuser, they are gaining some irrational sense of control. Even though they know they are inflicting pain, they are only barely aware of that fact.
Other reasons for abusers’ actions can include mental issues or disorders. These include anger management issues or intermittent explosive disorder. Drug or alcohol abuse can go out of control during tense situation such as arguments.
Others abuse because of a lack of empathy. This could be due to brain damage or early abuse cause their ability to empathize is diminished.